A Letter To My Eldest

I was cleaning up my office drawer when I came upon this, a draft of the letter that I sent to my son as part of their school retreat when he was in his Senior Year in highschool. He is currently in his Senior Year in college. Yeah I know, it's too shocking to know that it was four years ago when I last cleaned my office drawer,
Anyway, here's what the letter says:

Hi Pao! :)

You know I don't write things like these because I'd rather tell these to you over a bottle of beer but hey, this is what retreats are for - to read your parents' rants and make rants of your own. :)

More than a decade ago, I had this small, temperamental boy who used to love my invented stories during bedtime and/or tantrums. He also loved eating under the table because he believed he was a puppy trapped in a human body. Well, now the boy is all grown up and I guess I am only left with memories (if only I had taken videos of those moments, hehe). Anyway, thank you son for sharing that life with me (and this life too, as if you have a choice, hehe). Seriously, you and your brothers served as my strength during those difficult times. Your faith in me never faltered and thank you for that. I could daresay you are a man now Dude! That's how much I believe in you. :)

You know I never say I love you often but when I do, I am saying so much more. I am telling you that I have never known love as unconditional. I have never seen anything as beautiful nor held anything as precious as you in my arms. I love you and I'm proud of you when you've accomplished something special. But you need to know that I love you with your flaws, your shortcomings, your imperfections - even those you keep to yourself.

Don't ever think, "Yeah she loves me now, but if she only knew --- she wouldn't be so proud" because I love every corner of your heart and mind - even the places that are dark and filled with shadows. That is how great my love for you is.

I maybe an unconventional mother but I assure you that I am giving you and your brothers all that I have got, and I love you more than a conventional mom can ever love her child. Whatever path you may choose, I will always be there to guide you. Remember what I said, I went through darkness to gain wisdom so I could light yours and your brothers' paths, so do not be afraid of straying, of making mistakes because I will always be there to catch you, and I will always understand.

I love you Kuya and welcome to a much adult life ahead of you! *fistbump*

Mom :)